As ever, I always get all hepped up when I read anything by Danielle LaPorte and this morning, sitting on a deck, sun streaming on me, surrounded by flowers, and doves cooing, I am thinking about what I am worth because of her great blog post The Declaration of Deserving. It’s like getting hit in the gut but in a good way. In a wake-the-fuck-up way. As in, this could be your last day of living, so, what is it, what are you, your life, your self, your time, worth exactly?
That wasn’t always my answer. I gave over my power to a lot of people who asked for it without earning it. I devalued my own stock by selling it to people who had no care for it, no investment in it, and I certainly never made any money that way I can assure you.
This year really allowed me to see the world in a different way. And I completely altered the course of my life. It is going to appear only to myself, however, on the inside, because the course I have charted is for me alone and in mapping my singular vision, I have found a richness and power I haven’t known before. It was in my own heart, and had lived there all along, waiting for me.
I found my worth on a plane in the middle of the night as I looked out through a tear-stained world at 30,000 feet and said to the person in control of my life, excuse me, I’m taking over. It was like some other part of me just appeared, that had been there all along, waiting to be realized. Like an adult self with super powers. What an immense, powerful feeling and it has never left me nor will it ever. I am deeply grateful for that moment.
This week I had lunch with Ruth Schiller and Gerry Bruck. Now, Ruth and Gerry have the greatest love story ever. They loved each other at a distance for 24 years then at age 78 Ruth went and picked 88 year old Gerry up in Montreal and drove him to her little orchard in Osoyoos where they have now lived together blissfully happy for nearly 10 years.
Ruth knows a lot about self worth. She just oozes it. She has drawers full of incredible jewelry from all over the world that Gerry has given her with a love story and exotic place attached to every single piece. They have a lovely home. They entertain constantly. She’s sharp as a whip; he could be Woody Allen’s dad and clearly is the you-know-what-of-the-walk as five of us women swooned around a 96 year old man.
Ruth is so evolved as a woman that you just kind of think of her like a Jedi knight of feminine power. She admits it too: ‘I am such a powerful woman that the men who have loved me just want me, all the time, they don’t want anyone else’. Isn’t that adorable? Coming from an 86 year old woman, it just sails through the air like a lovely missive to stand up straight and own your power, as in right now.
The morale of the story? No one has to know your stock price is incredibly high. But you do.